Releasing the Survivor

“I release myself from versions of me I created to survive.”

This simple yet powerful statement holds profound significance, especially for those who have lived through the trauma of domestic violence. For survivors, it speaks to the journey of shedding the layers we build up to protect ourselves, layers that kept us safe in moments when safety was a privilege we couldn’t afford to take for granted.

The Protective Masks We Wear

Survival doesn’t always look like what people imagine. For many, it can mean adapting in ways that don’t always feel like “you.” Perhaps you became quieter, avoiding any spark that might ignite an argument. Maybe you learned to hide your feelings, to push down your emotions until they seemed almost foreign to you. Or you created a cheerful mask, convincing the outside world—and even yourself—that everything was fine.

These survival versions are powerful because they serve a purpose: they keep you safe. In dangerous situations, we develop coping mechanisms that act as shields, helping us manage fear, pain, and vulnerability. And for that, they deserve our gratitude. They were born out of your incredible resilience.

Acknowledging the Versions of "You" That Helped You Survive

Recognizing the roles you took on to survive can be empowering. These weren’t weaknesses but strengths manifesting in creative, resilient forms. They were the strategies you needed to endure. Survivors often find that these versions of themselves have a quiet wisdom to share, showing us how resourceful, clever, and determined we were, even in our darkest moments.

However, as we journey from surviving to healing, we may feel the weight of these roles. They may no longer fit, but releasing them is often easier said than done. After all, when these survival versions have been with us for so long, letting go can feel like stepping into a vulnerable, uncertain space.

The Courage to Release

Releasing those survival roles is a courageous act. It’s a decision to move beyond survival into a fuller, more prosperous, and truer life. But this transition isn’t about erasing what happened or denying the parts of ourselves that kept us safe. Instead, it’s about honoring and allowing them to rest, knowing we are stronger now and have new tools for navigating the world.

We make room for new growth and discovery by releasing these versions of ourselves. We open ourselves to reconnecting with the parts of us that were silenced or hidden, rediscovering dreams, strengths, and desires that may have felt out of reach.

Embracing Your True Self

Letting go is a gradual journey. Healing isn’t linear, and no one has to rush through it. For many survivors, healing is about reconnecting piece by piece, permitting ourselves to feel and to be our most authentic selves without the need to “stay small” or “keep safe.” Each step forward is an act of self-compassion and courage, a way of saying, “I deserve to be whole.”

If you’re in this space of releasing, remember that you don’t have to do it alone. Surround yourself with people who honor your strength and support your journey, whether friends, support groups, therapists, or communities of other survivors. In this journey, you’ll find new versions of yourself that thrive rather than merely survive.

Moving from Surviving to Thriving

As you release the survival versions of yourself, know that you’re stepping into a new phase of life where you are free to be exactly who you are, unburdened by the roles you took on in the past. Moving from survival to healing is not about forgetting or dismissing the trauma you faced but rather about reclaiming your life as your own. You can find joy again, dream, and live fully and openly.

Letting go of survival roles is like peeling away layers to find your core, your essence. Underneath is someone strong, whole, and worthy of love, safety, and peace. As you take each step in this journey, remember that you are more than a survivor. You are resilient, courageous, and more powerful than you may realize.

For anyone who needs this today: You are not alone. Your journey is yours to take at your own pace, and a whole world of support is waiting for you.